I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
