Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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