Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cockslap morals
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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