windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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