physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
