Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
