my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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