So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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