that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
