I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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