problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Drake has all the answers
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
