He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
