Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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