yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
