Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
