Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
operation harelip BJ is a go
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
