In the future we'll all be gay
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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