When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
