I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
