Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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