$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
