If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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