So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
