I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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