I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
