We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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