he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
