Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
