He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
