Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
