Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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