that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't tell me you're on acid again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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