The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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