I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
