Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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