Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
