ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
