Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
