like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
