In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Your dad touched me again.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
