I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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