Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
