she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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