My first STD was from a foam party
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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