Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
