That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and she was petting her beer can
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
