sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
