thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
