porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
