I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
