I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
