I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
