i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Four minutes until I can fart!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
