I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
